Elizabeth Train-Brown

his shadow

“Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.”

Psalm 119:18

god never came to me

            except to offer me my first cigarette

                        at 13

watched me light the end

            smiled when i coughed

                        told me it would get easier.

god never walked on water

            never stilled the storm

but he always knew how to find

a liter bottle of neat vodka

            and a little white baggy of stardust.

god held my hand when we jumped streams

            smirked like he’d whisk me away

                        from this world to the next

second star to the right and straight on til morning.

god kept his hair long and wild

            face grubby

dirt under his nails

drew the night sky on his arms

stacked scrunchies on his bony wrists 

                        between two jelly bands in that rare gold.

god danced sometimes

            led me by the waist

                        sang in old tongues i never knew.

god wouldn’t touch a bible

                        wouldn’t ask my sins

but he whispered

hallelujah 

with a glint in his eye

            and smoke on his lips.

Bio

Elizabeth Train-Brown (she/they) is a circus performer, award-winning journalist, poet, and novelist, studying Creative Writing at Lancaster University. She is Co-Head Editor of TAST, Poetry & Prose Editor for TL Publishing, Developmental Editor for Flash Literary Journal, and Poetry Staff Writer at Saturdaze Magazine. She won the 2020 Literary Lancashire Award, came highly commended in the 2021 Erbacce Prize, was listed under Best Submissions in the 2021 SLF Young Poets Prize, and has been published over 30 times. Find her at journoportfolio.com.

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Beth Train-Brown (@choo_choo42)